So, I've been struggling for about two weeks now with this feeling that I can't seem to shake for long. It comes and goes and doesn't really seem to go with anything in particular. I can't seem to find what brings it on. It feels like there is a vice grip on my chest preventing my ability to breathe easily and it goes all the way down to my tummy. It's worse in my stomach it has an acidic unsettled feeling. It felt to me like maybe I've made a mistake or maybe I'm jut extremely nervous. Both of those options are very viable. I just don't know why...I've been praying to have the feeling go away, but it persists in coming back.
Anyway yesterday I was talking with my boyfriend about...I don't know life situations and dealing or coping with issues that can come up. I found myself playing devils advocate or defending people in my life who aren't coping very well with the hand they've been dealt. After listening to him talk for a bit, I realized his thoughts on the subject were exactly how mine used to be...how they still should be. Then in church today I thought, "Well Kiy, let's fix this. Life doesn't have to be how it is now. Where all I do is passively sit by and let life run its course over me, stressing about the little things and fearing everything that is different." I mean come on, who's life is perfect? No one's is. So why do I stress like mine should be, and what if I make the wrong decision? Now I choose to say, "If I make the wrong decision, so be it. As long as I make it with conviction! The Lord will help guide me on my path to exhalation." So starting today, I will actively choose my own path and no longer fret over the little things, but "rejoice, for I know he is my God and will protect and watch over me" (this is a scripture, not word for word or anything..)
I love the Lord and if I truly believe and have faith in him then I WILL not fear, but conquer all my fears through him. I will be saved by his grace, after all that I can do and I honestly believe that. The Lord has told me multiple times, he has high expectations for me and therefore I will not lower my expectations for myself. I will persevere on and try my hardest and do my very best to succeed and come out on top in every area: mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically. I need to push myself in ALL those areas for a successful life.
and I will.
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